VOICES OF CLARICE
A scenic experience about five elemental women
An Immersive Dramatic Reading
PRODUCTION CREDITS
Concept & Direction: Ana Bugarim
Cast: Ana Bugarim, Brenda Fonseca, Fabiana Araújo & Silvana Soriano
Art & Projections: Silvana Soriano
Lighting Design: Ismael Requejo
Movement Direction: Natanael Leal
Creative Advisors: Maria Clara Mattos & Izabella Bicalho
Hair: Catarina Bueno
Sound Operation: Sophia Bugarim
⸻
LITERARY CREDITS & RIGHTS
Based on three short stories by Clarice Lispector:
Amor — from Laços de Família
A Imitação da Rosa — from Laços de Família
A Fuga — from Todos os Contos
Based on selected works by Clarice Lispector. Presented with permission from Agencia Literaria Carmen Balcells, S.A., on behalf of the rights holder.
About
Based on the short stories “Love,” “The Imitation of the Rose,” and “The Escape,” by Clarice Lispector
Conceived by Ana Bugarim
Images & Art by Silvana Soriano
1. RECEPTION
ACTRESS 1
Good evening!
Welcome to the extraordinary universe of Clarice Lispector.
Clarice was not born Clarice.
When she came into the world, she was given the name Raya, which means “life” in Hebrew.
And perhaps that name was no coincidence.
Raya was born in Ukraine in December 1920, amid massacres and persecution of Jews in that region.
Her mother had become seriously ill as a consequence of that violence, and there was a belief that pregnancy might help her recover. And so Clarice was conceived.
The healing never came, but a new life did.
ACTRESS 2
Still a baby, Raya crossed the ocean with her parents and two sisters and arrived in Brazil.
In Brazil, Raya became Clarice.
She grew up in Recife, and at the age of nine, she lost her mother.
Later, she moved to Rio de Janeiro, where she studied law, worked as a journalist, and began her journey as a writer.
ACTRESS 1
She married a Brazilian diplomat, with whom she had two sons. Because of her husband's career, she lived abroad for many years, spending time in Italy, Switzerland, England, and the United States.
ACTRESS 2
In 1959, Clarice separated from her husband, when her eldest son was only ten years old, and returned permanently to Rio de Janeiro.
ACTRESS 1
Clarice was a woman far ahead of her time.
Perhaps her perspective as both a foreigner and a woman allowed her to observe reality from a certain distance and, in doing so, to see and reveal the feminine universe from the outside in.
ACTRESS 2
One of the stories we will present today was written when she was only nineteen.
In The Escape, Clarice was already writing about a married woman who begins to question her marriage, her freedom, and the life that had been chosen for her.
ACTRESS 1
At nineteen, she was already exploring questions that, more than eight decades later, remain profoundly relevant.
ACTRESS 2
These are stories of seemingly ordinary women, living their routines, their marriages, their lives at home…
Until something happens.
ACTRESS 1
Almost always, something very small.
An encounter. A rose.
ACTRESS 2
A thought. A desire.
And something breaks.
And a woman begins to see her own life, and herself, in a different way.
ACTRESS 1
Stories that invite us to question:
How much of the life we live have we truly chosen for ourselves?
ACTRESS 2
And how much of our lives has been shaped by the expectations of others?
Today, we don't simply want to tell these stories.
ACTRESS 1
We want to invite you into the extraordinary universe of Clarice Lispector.
SPACE 1 — PROLOGUE | THE WORD / CLARICE
CLARICE
My God in heaven, I have nothing to say. The sound of my typewriter is soft.
What can I write? How can I begin writing sentences again? The word is my means of communication. I could only love it.
I play with words as one throws dice: chance and fate. The word is so powerful that it crosses the sound barrier.
Every word is an idea. Every word gives form to the spirit. The more words I know, the more capable I am of thinking about what I feel.
We must shape our words until they become the finest covering for our thoughts.
I have always believed that a sculptor's touch can be recognized by an extreme simplicity of lines.
All the words I speak are meant to conceal other words.
What is that secret word again?
I don't know why I dare.
I only don't know why I don't dare to say it.
I feel that there is a word, perhaps only one, that cannot and must not be spoken.
It seems that everything else is permitted.
But the truth is that what I want is precisely to unite myself with that forbidden word.
Or perhaps, if I find that word, I will speak it only with my mouth closed, to myself, or else I risk becoming a lost soul for all eternity.
Those who created the Old Testament knew that there was a forbidden fruit.
It is words that prevent me from telling the truth.
There simply are no words.
What I cannot say is more important than what I do say.
I believe the sound of music is essential to human beings. And that spoken and written words, like music, are among the highest things that lift us above the realm of monkeys, above the animal, mineral, and even vegetable kingdoms.
Yes, but sometimes it is a matter of luck.
I have always wanted to reach, through words, something that would be at once beyond currency and capable of conveying tranquility, or simply the deepest truth that exists within human beings and things.
More and more, I write with fewer words.
My best book will come when I no longer write at all.
I suffer from an essential lack of subject matter.
Every human being carries an obscure destiny of thought, which may be a twilight or a dawn.
I write without hoping that what I write will change anything.
It changes nothing…
Because deep down, we do not really want to change things.
We want to blossom, one way or another.
SPACE 2 — LOVE | ANA
ACTRESS 1
A little tired, with her shopping distorting the new knitting bag, Ana boarded the streetcar. She placed the bundle on her lap, and the streetcar began to move. She leaned back against the seat, seeking comfort, with a sigh of half-satisfaction.
ANA
Ana's children were good, something real and full of life. They grew, bathed, demanded for themselves, rudely, ever more complete moments. The kitchen was spacious at last, the faulty stove made popping noises. The heat was intense in the apartment they were gradually paying off.
ACTRESS 2
But the wind blowing against the curtains she herself had cut reminded her that, if she wished, she could stop and wipe her forehead, gazing at the peaceful horizon. Like a farmer.
She had planted the seeds she held in her hand, no others, only those. And trees were growing.
ANA
The brief conversation with the electricity meter reader grew, the water filling the laundry tub grew, the children grew, the table filled with food grew, her husband arrived with the newspapers, smiling with hunger, and the building maids' intrusive singing grew.
ACTRESS 1
Ana calmly offered everything her small, strong hand, her current of life.
ANA
A certain hour of the afternoon was more dangerous.
At a certain hour of the afternoon, the trees she had planted laughed at her.
When nothing else needed her strength, she became restless.
ACTRESS 2
All her vaguely artistic desires had long been directed toward making her days fulfilled and beautiful.
ACTRESS 1
Over time, her taste for decoration had developed and overcome her inner disorder.
ANA
She seemed to have discovered that everything could be improved, that each thing could be given a harmonious appearance; life could be shaped by human hands.
ACTRESS 2
Deep down, Ana had always needed to feel the firm roots of things. And a home had unexpectedly given her that.
ANA
Through winding paths, she had found herself in a woman's destiny, surprised to discover that she fit into it as though she had invented it herself.
The man she had married was a real man; the children she had borne were real children.
ACTRESS 1
Her earlier youth seemed strange to her, like an illness of life.
Little by little, she had emerged from it to discover that one could live even without happiness.
Whatever had happened to Ana before she had a home was forever beyond her reach.
ANA
In exchange, she had created something finally understandable: an adult life.
That was how she had wanted it, how she had chosen it.
ACTRESS 2
The streetcar swayed along the tracks, entering broad streets.
Soon a more humid wind began to blow, announcing not merely the end of the afternoon but the end of that unstable hour.
Ana breathed deeply, and a great acceptance gave her face the expression of a woman.
ACTRESS 1
It was then that she looked at the man standing at the stop.
ANA
What distinguished him from the others was that he was truly standing still.
Standing upright, his hands stretched forward.
He was blind.
ACTRESS 2
What else was there that made Ana straighten up in suspicion?
Something unsettling was happening.
ANA
The blind man was chewing gum…
A blind man was chewing gum.
ACTRESS 1
Leaning forward, she stared deeply at the blind man, the way one looks at someone who cannot see us.
ANA
He was chewing gum in the darkness.
Without suffering, with his eyes open.
ACTRESS 2
The movement of his chewing made him seem to smile and then suddenly stop smiling, smile and stop smiling—
ACTRESS 1
As though he had insulted her.
ACTRESS 2
And anyone watching her would have thought she was a woman filled with hatred.
But she continued staring at him, leaning farther and farther forward—
ACTRESS 1
The driver ordered the streetcar to stop before even knowing what had happened. The streetcar came to a halt, and the passengers looked around in alarm.
ACTRESS 2
Unable to move to pick up her shopping, Ana straightened herself, pale.
ANA
The eggs had broken inside their newspaper wrapping.
Yellow, sticky yolks dripped through the mesh of the bag.
ACTRESS 2
The blind man had stopped chewing and stretched out his uncertain hands, trying in vain to grasp what was happening.
ACTRESS 1
Amid the passengers' smiles and the driver's signal, the streetcar lurched forward again.
ACTRESS 2
A few moments later, they were no longer looking at her.
The streetcar rattled along the tracks, and the blind man chewing gum had been left behind forever.
And like a strange piece of music, the world began again around her.
ACTRESS 1
But the damage had been done.
ANA
Why?
ACTRESS 1
Had she forgotten that blind people existed?
ANA
The world had once again become a source of unease.
Years were collapsing, the yellow yolks were running.
The crisis had finally arrived.
ACTRESS 1
And its mark was the intense pleasure with which she now looked at things, suffering in astonishment.
She had brought such peace to her life, had taken such care to keep it from exploding.
ANA
And a blind man chewing gum had shattered it all.
A blind man chewing gum had plunged the world into a dark, ravenous longing.
ACTRESS 2
Only then did she realize that she had long since passed her stop.
She got off the streetcar on trembling legs, looked around, holding the bag stained with egg.
ACTRESS 1
For a moment, she could not find her bearings.
It was as though she had stepped off in the middle of the night.
ACTRESS 2
Her heart was pounding with fear. She tried in vain to recognize her surroundings. Walking a little farther, she passed through the gates of the Botanical Garden.
ANA
There was no one in the Garden.
ACTRESS 1
The vastness seemed to calm her; the silence steadied her breathing.
She was falling asleep within herself.
ACTRESS 2
Everything was strange, too gentle, too immense.
And suddenly, with a feeling of unease, it seemed to her that she had fallen into a trap.
A secret work was taking place in the Garden, and she was beginning to become aware of it.
ANA
On the trees, the fruits were black, sweet as honey.
On the ground lay dry pits full of convolutions, like tiny rotting brains.
The waters murmured with intense gentleness.
Against the trunk of a tree clung the luxurious legs of a spider.
The rawness of the world was peaceful.
The murder was profound.
And death was not what we had thought.
It was a world to be devoured with one's teeth.
The trunks were covered with leafy parasites, their embrace soft and clinging.
Like the revulsion that precedes surrender.
It was fascinating, I felt disgust, and it was fascinating.
The trees were heavy with fruit, the world was so rich that it was rotting.
The morality of the Garden was different.
ACTRESS 1
Now that the blind man had guided her there, she trembled as she took her first steps into a glittering, shadowy world.
ANA
The decay was profound, fragrant…
ACTRESS 2
The Garden was so beautiful that she became afraid of Hell.
It was fascinating, and she felt disgust.
ACTRESS 1
But when she remembered the children, before whom she had become guilty, she rose with a cry of pain and hurried down the dark path.
Until she reached the entrance of her building, she felt on the verge of disaster.
Her pity for the blind man was as violent as a desperate longing, but the world seemed hers, filthy, perishable, hers.
ANA
What new land was this?
ACTRESS 2
And for an instant, the healthy life she had led until then seemed to her a morally insane way of living.
ACTRESS 1
The boy who came running toward her was a creature with long legs and a face just like her own, running to embrace her.
ACTRESS 2
She held him tightly, in astonishment.
ACTRESS 1
She loved the world, loved everything that had been created.
ANA
She loved with disgust.
ACTRESS 2
She embraced her son, almost to the point of hurting him.
ACTRESS 1
As though she knew of some evil—the blind man or the beautiful Botanical Garden?—she clung to him, whom she loved above everything.
She had been struck by the demon of faith.
ANA
Life is horrible.
What would I do if I followed the blind man's call?
I would go alone…
ACTRESS 1
There were poor and rich places that needed her.
She needed them…
ANA
I'm afraid.
ACTRESS 2
Mommy, the boy called.
ACTRESS 1
She pushed him away, looked at his face, and her heart tightened.
ANA
Don't let Mommy forget you.
ACTRESS 2
The child had barely felt her embrace loosen before he slipped away and ran to his bedroom door, from where he looked at her, feeling safer.
It was the worst look she had ever received.
ANA
I'm afraid.
ACTRESS 1
She got up and went to the kitchen to help the maid prepare dinner.
But life made her shiver, like a sudden chill.
ANA
At the bottom of the stove, she discovered a small spider.
The same secret work of the Garden was taking place there in the kitchen.
ACTRESS 1
Near the garbage can, she crushed an ant beneath her foot.
ANA
The tiny murder of the ant.
All around, there was a silent, slow, persistent life.
ACTRESS 2
Then her husband arrived, followed by her brothers and their wives, and her brothers' children.
They gathered around the table, the family.
They laughed at everything, with good and human hearts.
The children were growing wonderfully around them.
ANA
And like a butterfly, she caught the moment between her fingers before it could cease to belong to her forever.
ACTRESS 2
Later, when everyone had left and the children were already in bed—
ACTRESS 1
She was a rough woman looking out the window.
ANA
Could what the blind man had unleashed fit into her days?
How many years would it take before she grew old again?
ACTRESS 1
The blind man hung among the fruits of the Botanical Garden.
ANA
If it had been an explosion from the stove, the fire would already have spread through the entire house!
ACTRESS 1
She thought as she ran to the kitchen and found her husband standing before the spilled coffee.
ANA
What happened?!
ACTRESS 2 / HUSBAND
Nothing happened. I'm just clumsy.
ACTRESS 1
But seeing the strange expression on Ana's face, he looked at her more closely.
Then he drew her toward him in a quick embrace.
ANA
I don't ever want anything to happen to you!
ACTRESS 2 / HUSBAND
At least let the stove explode on me once in a while.
ACTRESS 1
She remained limp in his arms.
That afternoon, something peaceful had burst apart, and throughout the house there was a strange, sad humor.
ACTRESS 2 / HUSBAND
It's time for bed. It's late.
ACTRESS 1
With a gesture unlike him, but one that seemed natural, he took Ana's hand and led her away without looking back—
Away from the danger of living.
ANA
The dizziness of goodness had come to an end.
And if she had passed through love and its hell,
ACTRESS 2
She now combed her hair before the mirror, for one moment with no world at all in her heart.
ACTRESS 1
Before going to bed,
As though extinguishing a candle,
She blew out the small flame of the day.
SPACE 3 — THE IMITATION OF THE ROSE | LAURA
ACTRESS 1
Before Armando returned from work, the house had to be tidy, and she herself had to be wearing the brown dress, so that she could attend to her husband while he changed. Then they would go out calmly, arm in arm, as they used to.
LAURA
How long had it been since they had done that?
ACTRESS 2
But now that she was “well” again, they would take the bus, and she would look out the window like a wife, her arm resting on his. Later, they would have dinner with Carlota and João, leaning back comfortably in their chairs.
LAURA
How long had it been since she had seen Armando finally lean back comfortably and talk with another man?
A man's peace was to forget his wife and talk with another man about what was in the newspapers.
ACTRESS 1
Meanwhile, she would talk with Carlota about women's things, submissive to Carlota's practical, authoritarian kindness.
ACTRESS 2
Interrupting the arrangement of her dressing table, Laura looked at herself in the mirror: and herself, how long had it been?
ACTRESS 1
Her face had a domestic grace, her hair held back with pins behind her large, pale ears.
Her brown eyes, brown hair, and soft, olive-toned skin gave her no-longer-young face the modest appearance of a woman.
ACTRESS 2
Would anyone notice, in that tiny trace of surprise deep within her eyes, in that small wounded place, the absence of the children she had never had?
ACTRESS 1
With her meticulous taste for order, which she had now resumed, she planned to tidy the house before the maid left for her day off, so that once Maria had gone out, she would have nothing more to do except…
LAURA
First, calmly get dressed.
Second, wait for Armando, already ready.
What was the third thing?
Of course. That was exactly what I would do.
And I would wear the brown dress with the cream lace collar.
ACTRESS 1
She, who had never aspired to anything beyond being a man's wife, gratefully rediscovered her everyday, fallible place.
LAURA
How wonderful it is to feel tired again.
ACTRESS 2
When she looked at the time, she suddenly remembered, with a start that made her bring her hand to her chest, that she had forgotten to drink her glass of milk.
ACTRESS 1
If the doctor had said, “Drink milk between meals, never let your stomach be empty because that causes anxiety,” then, even without the threat of anxiety, she drank it without question, sip by sip, day after day.
ACTRESS 2
But the doctor seemed to contradict himself when, at the same time, he said: “Let yourself go, take everything gently, don't try too hard, forget completely what happened, and everything will return naturally.”
LAURA
In my humble opinion, one instruction seemed to cancel out the other, as though I were being asked to eat flour and whistle at the same time.
ACTRESS 1
To combine them into one, she had devised a clever method.
ACTRESS 2
The glass of milk had acquired a secret power, each sip almost carrying the taste of a word.
LAURA
I would take the glass of milk into the living room, where I would sit down “very naturally,” pretending to be uninterested, “not making any effort.”
ACTRESS 1
And in that way, cleverly fulfilling the second instruction.
LAURA
Oh, how wonderful it is to be back, truly back.
ACTRESS 2
She sat on the sofa as though she were a visitor in her own home, which, so recently restored, tidy and cool, reminded her of the tranquility of someone else's house.
LAURA
Unlike Carlota, who had made her home resemble herself, I took such pleasure in making my house something impersonal; in a way, perfect precisely because it was impersonal.
Oh, how wonderful it is to see everything tidy and free of dust, everything clean and so silent, with a vase of flowers, like a waiting room.
Even a vase of flowers.
ACTRESS 1
She looked at it.
LAURA
Oh, how beautiful they are.
ACTRESS 2
They were small wild roses she had bought that morning at the market, partly because the man had insisted so much, partly out of daring.
LAURA
I have never seen such beautiful roses.
Truly, I have never seen such beautiful roses.
ACTRESS 1
She looked at them carefully.
ACTRESS 2
But her attention could not remain mere attention for very long.
It quickly turned into gentle pleasure.
ACTRESS 1
And she could no longer analyze the roses. She was compelled to interrupt herself with the same exclamation of submissive wonder:
LAURA
How beautiful they are.
They are perfect roses, several on the same stem.
They almost look artificial!
ACTRESS 1
But without knowing why, she felt slightly embarrassed, slightly disturbed.
LAURA
Oh, it's nothing important. It's just that extreme beauty is unsettling.
ACTRESS 2
Then Laura had an idea that was, in a way, quite original.
LAURA
Why not ask Maria to stop by Carlota's house and leave the roses as a gift?
ACTRESS 1
And also because that extreme beauty was unsettling.
LAURA
Unsettling?
ACTRESS 1
It was a risk.
LAURA
Oh no, why a risk?
ACTRESS 2
It was simply unsettling.
ACTRESS 1
They were a warning.
LAURA
Oh no, why a warning?
ACTRESS 1
Maria would give the roses to Carlota.
ACTRESS 2 / CARLOTA
These things aren't necessary between us, Laura!
LAURA
Oh no! No! It's not because of the dinner invitation! It's just that the roses are so beautiful that I felt the impulse to give them to you!
ACTRESS 1
And Carlota would be surprised by Laura's delicacy of feeling.
No one would imagine that Laura, too, had her little ideas.
In this pleasant imaginary scene that made her smile beatifically, she referred to herself as “Laura,” as though speaking of a third person.
LAURA
I simply couldn't help sending you the roses.
ACTRESS 2
And giving the roses was almost as beautiful as the roses themselves.
ACTRESS 1
And she would also be free of them.
LAURA
No! No impulses.
Maria.
Could you stop by Mrs. Carlota's house and leave these roses for her?
MARIA
Yes, of course.
ACTRESS 1
Then she carefully removed the roses from the vase, so beautiful and peaceful, with their delicate, deadly thorns.
LAURA
I want to make a very artistic bouquet.
And at the same time, get rid of them.
Then I can get dressed and continue my day.
Don't give away the roses. They're beautiful.
ACTRESS 1
A second later, still very softly, the thought grew slightly stronger, almost tempting:
ACTRESS 2
Don't give them away. They're yours.
ACTRESS 1
Laura was a little startled, because things had never really belonged to her.
LAURA
These roses are mine.
Pink, small, perfect.
Mine, as nothing until now has ever been.
ACTRESS 2
Why give them away, then? Beautiful, and give them away?
ACTRESS 1
When you discover something good, do you simply go and give it away?
ACTRESS 2
They wouldn't last long. So why give them away while they were still alive?
The pleasure of having them did not mean any great risk.
LAURA
Truly, I have never seen anything more perfect in my life.
ACTRESS 2
Well, but now she had already spoken to Maria, and there was no way to go back.
LAURA
Was it too late, then?
If I wanted, it wouldn't be too late… I could say to Maria:
“Oh, Maria, I've decided I'll take the roses myself when I go to dinner!”
ACTRESS 1
And, of course, she would not take them.
ACTRESS 2
But with the unwrapped roses in her hand, she waited.
She did not put them back in the vase. She did not call Maria.
ACTRESS 1
She knew why.
ACTRESS 2
Because she had to give them away.
Oh, she knew why.
ACTRESS 1
And also because a beautiful thing was meant to be given or received, not merely possessed.
ACTRESS 2
And above all, never to be “become.”
LAURA
Above all, one should never become the beautiful thing itself.
ACTRESS 1
A beautiful thing lacked the gesture of giving.
LAURA
One should never keep a beautiful thing, as though storing it inside the perfect silence of the heart.
MARIA
Are they ready?
LAURA
They are.
ACTRESS 1
She looked at them, so silent in her hand.
ACTRESS 2
Impersonal in their extreme beauty.
In their extreme, perfect tranquility as roses.
ACTRESS 1
That final expression: the flower.
ACTRESS 2
Until, slowly and solemnly, she wrapped the stems and thorns in tissue paper. She had been so absorbed that, when she held out the finished bouquet, she found herself alone with her heroic sacrifice.
ACTRESS 1
With a vague pain, she looked at them, now so distant at the end of her outstretched arm.
LAURA
But they are mine.
They are beautiful and they are mine! They are the first beautiful thing that has ever been mine! And it was the man who insisted, I wasn't the one looking for them! It was fate that wanted it! Oh, just this once! Only this once, and I swear never again!
ACTRESS 1
And in the very next second, without any transition, without any obstacle, the roses were no longer hers, like a letter that had already been mailed!
ACTRESS 2
“You can catch Maria on the stairs. You know perfectly well you can. You can take the roses from her hands and steal them.”
LAURA
Why would taking them now be stealing? Stealing what was mine?
ACTRESS 1
For that was what a person who felt no pity for others would do: steal what was hers by right!
LAURA
Oh, have mercy, my God. You can still get everything back.
Maria has gone.
ACTRESS 2
Then slowly she sat down calmly on the sofa. Without leaning against the backrest. Just to rest.
ACTRESS 1
No, she was not angry, oh, not in the least. But the wounded place deep within her eyes had grown larger and more thoughtful.
LAURA
Where are my roses?
ACTRESS 1
And she missed the roses. They had left a bright space inside her.
ACTRESS 2
When an object is removed from a clean table, the even cleaner mark it leaves reveals the dust that had surrounded it.
ACTRESS 1
The roses had left a place without dust and without sleep inside her.
ACTRESS 2
In her heart, that rose she could at least have kept for herself without harming anyone in the world was missing. Like a greater absence.
ACTRESS 1
In truth, like absence itself.
LAURA
Where are my roses?
ACTRESS 2
As when lemon juice is dropped into dark tea and the tea gradually becomes lighter.
Her tiredness was gradually growing lighter.
LAURA
Without any tiredness at all, in fact.
ACTRESS 1
In fact, it was no longer afternoon.
ACTRESS 2
It was night.
From the street rose the first sounds of darkness and the first lights.
ACTRESS 1
The key turned in the lock, the dark, hurried figure entered, and light violently flooded the room.
ACTRESS 2
She was going to smile. So that he could finally relax the anxious expectation on his face, always mixed with the childish triumph of having arrived in time to find her fussy, good, diligent, and his wife.
She was going to smile. It was taking a little longer, but she was going to smile.
LAURA
It's come back, Armando. It's come back.
ACTRESS 1 / ARMANDO
What's come back?
ACTRESS 2
Unexpectedly, he realized with horror that the room and his wife were calm and unhurried.
And from that moment on, he could no longer stop himself from seeing her sitting with her hands folded in her lap, with the serenity of a firefly that carries its own light.
ACTRESS 1 / ARMANDO
What's come back?
LAURA
I couldn't stop it.
I couldn't stop it.
It was because of the roses.
ACTRESS 2 / ARMANDO
She was sitting there in her little house dress.
With shyness and respect, he looked at her.
But he did not have a single word to say.
From the open doorway, he saw his wife sitting on the sofa without leaning against the backrest,
Once again alert and tranquil, like someone on a train.
LAURA
That had already departed.
SPACE 4 — THE ESCAPE | ELVIRA
ACTRESS 1
She had stepped out of the cold shower, put on a light dress, and picked up a book.
ACTRESS 2
But today was different from all the afternoons of all the days of all those years. It was hot, and she was suffocating.
ACTRESS 1
Then something inside her began to grow. Suddenly, with heavy, deliberate movements, she pulled the clothes from her body, tore them apart, ripped them into long strips.
ACTRESS 2
She stood motionless in the middle of the room, breathless. The rain grew heavier. She could hear it drumming on the tin roof in the backyard and the maid shouting as she gathered in the laundry.
ACTRESS 1
Now it was like a flood. A cool wind circulated through the house. She got dressed, gathered all the money there was in the house, and left.
ACTRESS 1
It began to grow dark, and she became afraid. The rain fell relentlessly, and the sidewalks glistened wet beneath the streetlights.
ACTRESS 2
People passed by with umbrellas and raincoats, hurrying, their faces tired. Cars glided over the wet asphalt, and now and then a horn sounded softly.
ACTRESS 1
She wanted to sit on a bench in the garden because, in truth, she did not feel the rain and did not mind the cold. She was only a little afraid because she had not yet decided which way to go.
ACTRESS 2
Passersby looked at her strangely.
She was tired.
ELVIRA
But what is going to happen now?
Walking around isn't the answer.
Go back home? No.
ACTRESS 1
She feared that some force might push her back to where she had started. Dizzy as she was, she closed her eyes and imagined a great whirlwind emerging from “Elvira's Home,”
Violently sucking her in and placing her once again beside the window, a book in her hand, restoring the familiar daily scene.
ACTRESS 2
She was frightened. She waited until no one was passing to say with all her strength:
ELVIRA
I will not go back.
ACTRESS 1
She grew calm.
Now that she had decided to leave, everything was being reborn. If she had not been so confused, she would have been infinitely delighted by the thought that came to her after two hours:
ELVIRA
Things still exist.
ACTRESS 1
Yes, a simply extraordinary discovery. She had been married for twelve years, and three hours of freedom had almost entirely restored her to herself. The first thing she had to do was find out whether things still existed.
ACTRESS 2
If she were performing this very tragedy on a stage, she would touch herself, pinch herself to make sure she was awake. But the last thing she wanted to do was perform.
ELVIRA
Yet there was not only joy and relief inside me. There was also a little fear. And twelve years.
ACTRESS 2
She crossed the sidewalk and leaned against the seawall to look at the sea. The rain continued. She had taken the bus in Tijuca and gotten off in Glória. She had already walked beyond Morro da Viúva.
ACTRESS 1
The sea churned violently, and when the waves broke against the rocks, the salty foam splashed all over her.
ACTRESS 2
For a moment she wondered whether that stretch of water was deep, because it was impossible to tell: the dark, shadowy waters might be only inches above the sand or might conceal infinity.
ACTRESS 1
She decided to try that old game again, now that she was free. All she had to do was stare into the water for a long time and imagine that the world beneath it had no end.
ELVIRA
It was as though I were drowning and could never find the bottom of the sea with my feet. A heavy anguish.
ACTRESS 1
But why, then, did she seek it?
ELVIRA
The story of never finding the bottom of the sea was an old one. It went back to when I was a little girl.
In the chapter on gravity in elementary school, I invented a man with a funny disease. Gravity had no effect on him.
So he fell off the Earth and kept falling forever, because I didn't know what fate to give him.
Where would he fall?
Then I decided: he would go on falling, falling, and he would get used to it. He would even eat while falling, sleep while falling, live while falling…
And he would keep falling until he died.
ACTRESS 1
But at that moment, the memory of the man did not distress her. On the contrary, it brought her a taste of freedom she had not felt in twelve years.
ELVIRA
Because my husband had a peculiar quality: my mere presence beside him was enough to restrain even the smallest movements of my thoughts.
At first, this brought me a certain peace, because I used to exhaust myself thinking about useless things, although they were amusing.
ACTRESS 2
Now the rain had stopped.
ELVIRA
It's only cold now, and it feels wonderful.
I will not go home.
Yes, that is infinitely comforting.
ACTRESS 1
Would he be surprised?
ELVIRA
Yes, twelve years weigh like pounds of lead. The days melt, merge together, and form a single block, a great anchor.
And a person becomes lost. Their gaze takes on the appearance of a deep well. Dark, silent water.
Their gestures turn pale, and they have only one fear in life: that something might come along and transform them.
They live behind a window, watching through the glass as the rainy season covers the sunny one, then summer returns, and then the rains come again.
Desires are ghosts that dissolve the moment the light of common sense is switched on.
ACTRESS 2
Why is it that husbands are common sense?
ELVIRA
Mine is particularly solid, good, and never wrong.
He's one of those people who use only one brand of pencil and can recite from memory what's written on the soles of their shoes.
You can ask him, without hesitation, for the train schedules, which newspaper has the largest circulation, or even in which region of the globe monkeys reproduce most rapidly.
ACTRESS 2
Now she could laugh…
ELVIRA
I ate while falling, slept while falling, lived while falling.
I'm going to find a place to put my feet…
ACTRESS
Why had she waited so long for this renewal?
ELVIRA
Only today, after twelve centuries.
Now I'm hungry. I haven't felt hungry in twelve years.
ACTRESS 1
She will enter a restaurant. The bread is fresh, the soup is hot.
ACTRESS 2
She will order coffee, fragrant, strong coffee.
ELVIRA
Oh, how beautiful everything is, how full of enchantment.
The hotel room has a foreign atmosphere, the pillow is soft, the clean linen is fragrant.
ACTRESS 1
And when darkness takes over the room, an enormous moon will appear. After all this rain, a fresh and serene moon.
And she will sleep covered in moonlight…
ELVIRA
Morning will come. I'll have the morning free to buy everything I need for the journey, because the ship leaves at two in the afternoon.
ACTRESS 2
The sea is calm, almost without waves. The sky is a fierce, dazzling blue. The ship moves swiftly away…
ACTRESS 1
And soon, silence.
The waters sing against the hull, softly, rhythmically…
Around it, seagulls flutter, like white foam escaping from the sea.
ELVIRA
Yes, all of that!
ACTRESS 1
But she doesn't have enough money to travel. Tickets are so expensive.
And all that rain she was caught in has left a sharp coldness inside her.
ACTRESS 2
Well, she could go to a hotel. That's true.
But hotels in Rio are not suitable for an unaccompanied lady, except for the most luxurious ones.
And in those, she might run into someone who knows her husband, which would certainly harm his business.
ELVIRA
Oh, all of that is a lie.
What is the truth?
ACTRESS 1
Twelve years weigh like pounds of lead.
ELVIRA
The days close in around our bodies and squeeze tighter and tighter.
I'll go home.
I cannot be angry with myself because I'm tired.
And even though all of this is happening, I'm not causing any of it.
It's been twelve years.
ACTRESS 1
She enters the house. It is late, and her husband is reading in bed.
She drinks a glass of warm milk because she isn't hungry.
ACTRESS 2
She puts on blue flannel pajamas with little white dots, very soft indeed.
ACTRESS 1
She asks her husband to turn off the light. He kisses her on the cheek and tells her to wake him at exactly seven o'clock.
She promises, and he turns off the switch.
ACTRESS 2
From among the trees, a great, pure light rises.
She lies with her eyes open for a while. Then she wipes her tears with the bedsheet, closes her eyes, and settles into bed.
ACTRESS 1
She feels the moonlight slowly covering her.
Within the silence of the night, the ship sails farther and farther away.